i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
