So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
