Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
