I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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