I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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