having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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