3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to jail i love you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize