Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
