oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Your cock deserves a montage
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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