another moral hangover. fuck.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
