Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
