We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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