Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
