Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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