I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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