when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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