So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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