Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
