they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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