I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
