You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we made out on top of his cat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
