Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
