She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize