I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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