I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
