I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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