I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
