I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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