we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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