but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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