Quick, to the slutcave!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
