you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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