3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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