how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
