I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
