Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
