Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
