i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I looked at my own cervix.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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