Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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