he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
