my vag is so smooth its legendary
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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