It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
