yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
