I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
