Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
