she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
