Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
