quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family