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Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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