I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.