I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.