So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.