Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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