The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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