wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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