Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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