my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
