God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
