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Soap is not a condiment
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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