I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.