you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
