You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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