just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.