I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!