is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In America we eat man semen.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy