dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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