I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
