They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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