Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
