When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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