I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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