apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
