So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
