plz talk dirty to me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
