Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
