I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
