I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
